Inside the Head of One Grieving Father – 18 Years Later

Scroll. Scroll. Scroll. Nice. She’s going to Ithaca . . . he’s going to Texas – so did his mother – makes complete sense.

Scroll. Didn’t see that coming. Definitely didn’t think she’d go there. We’ll see how that plays out.

Scroll. Scroll. Prom season. No way. That’s not . . . looks completely different. OMG. That can’t be him. Nope. It’s him. Looks so much like his mom . . . He’s changed so much. I feel old.

Scroll. Scroll. She looks beautiful. Um . . . . those dresses are SO short. I sound like an old f&^%? “Hey kids, get off my lawn!”

Scroll. Scroll. They always host photos for dances. Great photos. Would we have gone there? Would Simon have been friends with them? Of course he would have been friends with them. Well, probably. We could have hosted photos too. We did with Sally and Jaden. Would Simon have had a real date or a “we’re just friends date?” Tux or suit? Doesn’t matter.

Scroll. Scroll. I guess we’re going to a graduation party Sunday.

Scroll. Scroll. That’s two graduation parties on Sunday.

Scroll. Scroll. S@hashtagt. I’ll be out of town that weekend. I’m going to miss that graduation party.

Wait. Simon was the same age as all of these kids? That’s crazy. They are in his class. These are the kids who would have been on his teams, at his parties, in his life? Never put all of this together . . . . until now.

Should I post something? What could I possibly say? No. I don’t want to bum people out. This is a happy time. For them. No, for me too. I can’t think like that. I can feel sad, and be happy for them. I have to be that way. Do people even realize he would be graduating? He died so long ago. I mean, if I didn’t even realize their kids would have been his peers, why should they remember how old he should be? I can’t believe it didn’t register with me until now. They were all in the same grade. They were moving through life together.

Scroll. Scroll. That was a nice party. Those photos are great. I can’t believe the number of kids there. I can’t believe how many of them I know. How many of those kids would have been Simon’s friend? Hung at our house? We definitely would have been friends with his parents.

Scroll. Scroll. So they posted THAT photo? Looks good. Glad I was in it. Would Simon have been in that photo too? Probably. He would have definitely been at that party. Why didn’t I think of this before . . . while I was taking that photo? Should’t I be thinking about him all of the time? Is it “healthier” that I am not or bad that I am not?”’ Ugh . . .

Should we do something for his graduation? What would we possibly do? We need to do something. No, that’s weird. What would we do? Throw a party. That’s weird. Host a heart screening. No, it’s an impossible time of year to get students out for that. Too much going on. Let’s just go away as a family. We used to do that all of the time.

I can’t believe it has been 18 years. I can’t believe all these kids are graduating. Should I make a collage of all of these kids so I can remember the class of 2023 . . . his class?

Should I post something?